This picture was taken a week before Bridger was born. Tim took me on a walk almost every night of my pregnancy; by the end, the walks got a little shorter and much slower. Bridger was due on August 10th and I wasn't really anxious to get him here until about 2 weeks before he was due and then I was READY! In that two weeks, we moved out of our wonderful apartment and into my parents house. We had the greatest memories of that place and Tim themed our time there, "Young and In Love" - too true. These pictures were taken the day we moved out.
I started having contractions in the middle of the night a few days before Bridger was born. I would be about to fall asleep and then a really strong contraction would hit and I would wake up - this was off and on for a few nights and then the night before he came, they were every 15 minutes. Tim downloaded a contractions app that timed the contractions so he was definitely part of my labor process. He would say every hour, "Carlee, that was only six minutes from your last contraction; I think we should start packing." I was in pain throughout the day but I was surprised when my pain meter jumped to OUCH! I HATE THIS! in a 20 minute period. By the time we jumped in the car, I was panicked and kind of teary, partly in pain and partly in fear. We got to the hospital - when I saw my aunt Melanie at the front desk, I just wanted to run into her arms and cry, "I don't want to do this!" . She was so excited though, saying, "Your mom just called and said you were on your way! It's here! You're having this baby!" Her attitude helped me keep it together. I hurried and changed - a nurse checked me and said she could feel the head coming down and that it was time to get a room, while I was only thinking that it was time get an epidural. Every time I had a contraction, my whole body would shake - IT HURT! I think I cussed a lot in my mind and sadly, once out loud. I'm pretty sure I told Tim we would NEVER have another baby and lots of other things I'm sure I will come to regret. Finally, the anesthesiologist came and gave me a miracle, the epidural. It felt like he was slowly bruising my back but as soon as he was done, I was in a very happy place. I didn't feel a thing except pure joy. From then on, I was joking with the nurses, getting life stories, and apologizing for acting like a complete lunatic. I tried to sleep but Tim was too excited, so we mostly talked and waited for my contractions to get closer.
At around 9 pm, the nurse came in and said, "Ok, it's time to push." I pushed five times and my doctor pulled out this purple human from my body. It was strange. I wondered if I would cry but I think I was overwhelmed by the novelty of everything and forgot to shed any tears. I held this little crying baby for a few minutes and thought, "Wow, he is so little and helpless and his cry is adorable." Tim was with him through the testing - I think he was in awe as well. Lots of women have said that as soon as they saw their babies, they felt an overwhelming love for them. I was surprised when I didn't have those feelings; I did, however, feel an overwhelming urge to protect him. Now I know why first time moms can be overprotective.
We spent two nights in the hospital and ate like kings - the labor and delivery has the best food ever! The rest of the time I spent figuring out how to nurse, sleep, and retrain myself to go to the bathroom...it was torture. It only got worse when we got home - I thought I had made a huge mistake in having this baby and I wanted my old life back. Bridger didn't sleep at all for a week straight, plus trying to heal and not having a place of our own caused a few come-aparts. When Tim had to go up to Provo to start Law School, I decided to go with him. We visited the doctor the morning Bridger was a week old, got him circumcised (poor kid), and drove up to Provo a few hours later. Now that we are up in Provo, I am still trying to figure out this whole 'mom' thing and Tim is loving school. I am getting use to less sleep and praying that one day, I will know what it feels like to be well rested again. Until then, I am just loving this little baby and healing my body. Its been the change of a lifetime and while its been a good change, I'm not about to do it again any time soon.
